A friend of mine refuses to reply to texts that are written in 'txtspk' as this is abhorrently described as an absolute infective disorder and degradation of the English language.

In such a short space of time texting has become something that nearly everyone has at least tried, or is using on a day-to-day basis to communicate. No one could have envisaged years ago, that such a simple format of communication would dominate the airwaves with such power and magnitude. You only have to walk around and watch and within minutes, you will come across someone either reading or writing a text message on his or her mobile phone. The amount of jokes of all description, passing between phones is staggering!!

Once again, I hear myself saying that I am amazed to the wide range of ages that use on a day to day basis the shorthand method of writing text, in short 'text speak'

How far has text evolved? In Malaysia a court decreed that a man may serve a divorce to his wife by text.... as long as the message was clear and unambiguous it was valid under Islamic Sharia law. Yes, that is reassuring.......

My parents were slightly technophobe to the usage of a mobiles, and teaching them text messaging was probably reminiscent of myself, once upon a time, being taught to ride a bike with stabilisers, albeit less frustrating. You know when you have succeeded in your lessons when the next time you go around, there are 5 post-it stickies attached to the phone with scribbled numbers for quick access.....<sigh>

Bluejacking was rife at one time, and now with tightened mobile security, BJ'ing is dying down. What is bluejacking? Simply put, you  create a phonebook contact and name it - 'U been bluejacked', in the 'Name' field. You then search for other phones with Bluetooth switched on and then send that phonebook contact to them. A message will appear displaying "'U been bluejacked' has just been received by K800i" . Most people will be clueless to how the message appeared on their phone.

Believed to be one of the first bluejacking experiences, this story possibly stirred and started the craze back in the year 2002...

“I was in the bank today and was waiting for my number to be called as there were many people in the bank. Out of boredom, I did a Bluetooth discovery to see if there was any other Bluetooth device around. A name appeared on my screen "Nokia 7650" which obviously means some poor Nokia users has his Bluetooth switched on.

I looked around and did not see anybody around me using that brick... I mean Nokia 7650. I then proceeded to create a new contact in my phone which had all it's fields empty except for the first name which I gladly filled with "Buy Eriksson!" and made my R520 send that business card to the Nokia 7650 and a guy a few feet away from me suddenly had his 7650 making obscene noises in the bank. He took out his 7650 and started looking at his phone (and looking lost at the same time). I couldn't contain myself and left the bank”

The adaptation of bluejacking has evolved where people name their phones with curious names and 'handles' that may hint to whom they may be. Ah, Bluetooth, there is nothing like the scene of men in their 50's swapping ringtones and jokes in the local....

Finally a new gadget that is worth mentioning. Orange has launched a 'Dance-powered mobile charger' by the method of kinetic movement of a system of weighs and magnets, which move as you groove.' The system is contained within a jogger-style MP3 arm strap, and means you never have to worry about your phone running out of power again, as you fatally sink into the slime and mud pools of Glastonbury Festival whilst dancing away to the sounds of your favourite band playing live      ...in the rain....

                              CUL8R :-)

There are some experiences from life, that just leave a horrid taste in ones mouth, one of these is 'camping' I just cannot get my head around this pastime which is nothing more than a dive into pseudo poverty ... and to be fair the only time you will find me treading the ranges of a camping site, is to pass through it to get to the hotel! The thought that camping in the U.K is less dangerous than some other countries where you could be possibly wrestled, strangled or eaten by the wildlife just outside your tent, is reassuring. Mind, there is also no forgetting Australia, the home of the largest collection of the deadliest animals......

One friend told me that 'you haven't really lived till you've cut your way out of a sleeping bag with a Swiss knife'.....hmm. It has also been brought to my attention that in an emergency, a drawstring from a parka is adequate enough to be used to strangle a snoring tent mate, ah!, see, there are some plus points then!

Ok, so you wake up and trudge over to the shower block to clean up after your walk to the hygienic toilets and showers to walk back and find that all was in vain, as your now worse than before you started. I still don't get it. <blank look>

The new Selk bag (Around £89 – picture right) is the only dawn of sunshine in the small possibility of hope for me getting near a tent. This little beauty of a sleeping bag is made with the intention of you being able to wander around tucked up cosy and snug. Perfect for those cold nights when your gas bottle is blocked and no matter what you do, that bottle is a dead parrot......

I leave you with a smirkingly flavourful smattering from the American way of camping with suggestions sent in by U.S. Backpackers to the U.S. Forest Services...

"A small deer came into my camp and stole my bag of pickles. Is there a way I can get reimbursed? “

“Escalators would help on steep uphill sections.”

"Trails need to be wider so people can walk while holding hands."

"Found a smoldering cigarette left by a horse."

"Too many bugs and leeches and spiders and spider webs. Please spray the wilderness to rid the area of these pests.”

"The coyotes made too much noise last night and kept me awake. Please eradicate these annoying animals.”

"Too many rocks in the mountains."

"A McDonald's would be nice at the trail head."

Sweet dreams all.

A friend of mine owns several pubs that specialise in free live music, from Thursdays
to Sundays bands play whilst upholding a free entry to all policy.  All that
is required from the punters is to voluntarily throw their odd change in the
bucket that goes around to help support the bands whom play there (Yes, the
bands get paid too....).

This system works remarkably well and the bands do
regard the venues with high esteem, all the more reason it succeeds, and this
in turn radiates to the crowds be entertained from genres of
blues to punk...
Last night a band played I particularly enjoy called Punk'd. No stab in the
dark guesses for what kind of music is being played....

It struck me last night, how much the tastes of people have merged and changed!
Whilst the political and anti-government songs of the seventies through
even to today, strived to keep the aggressive attributes that brought shock, outrage
and distaste to the masses with sounds that categorically avoid remotely
being labelled mainstream ... well, you may ask where I am going with this...
so....

I stood watching the crowd last night of ages 18 to 80 of all ilk singing along
to 'God Save The Queen' and 'Pretty Vacant' and albeit the smile on my face,
it reflected to me how profusely times have altered and how a monster that
professed to be so hostile, is now so acceptable and embraced by all ages. A gentleman in his 80's
of gentile manners along with his wife singing all the words to 'Pretty
Vacant' topped it all for me!

It's strange that to this day the heated discussion on which operating system is the best, rages on.

No rest or ceasefire is being waved. One element of fuel on the fire was the release of Windows Vista and its problems and faults, which has drawn a huge petition signed by over 100,000 and growing signatures to bring more longevity to its older counterpart XP, as Microsoft plans to cease updates and support for XP shortly. Computer manufacturers have backed down from their Vista only policy from the pure pressure of customers who demanded XP on their new shiny companion.

I admit to a small bias, I have grown to respect and enjoy the world of the free operating system 'Linux'. The whole experience has become even more friendlier, easier to use and install with masses of information on how to correct issues when things may possibly go wrong, or ways to enhance the system. My experience with Linux is such that oddly it feels very much like being 'home'. There are some elements of the experience that shines the little bit of technicalness forward, but to be fair I am doing much less sorting problems in Linux than I ever did with raging cold sweats in Windows.

I still have to return to the dark side with Windows as one truth remains, there is certain software for Windows that just won't run on Linux.

The other day a friend was sorting a computer for someone, and having connected to the internet, within 15 seconds had managed to be infected with a virus. Here's the rub, with all the viruses and malware emerging every day that is being targeted towards Windows, boy do I feel so much more secure. Linux is virtually free from malware and viruses, better security and policies aids my thinking.

Last week a rather respected lady walked in the bar and I was amazed with her logo on her Tshirt, as she took off her coat and giggled.... "GEEK WITH TITS"...

Yep, that's it then, I am a geek.

I have never been the greatest fan of the television,  I know it can be educational and informative. There just are so many more things to do in life, friends to see, places in the world to visit, physically active pastimes to enjoy and much more. It just does not seem right to waste life sat there staring at it, it's time to rediscover that life can be more constructive, rewarding and healthy without television.

The first UK television broadcast was made on 20 August 1929 and by 1984 the whirlwind grew with the launch of services on satellite and cable, the next stage of evolution is set with the upcoming demise of analogue and the superseding factor.. digital (Only a third of viewers know analogue TV is to be switched off between 2008 and 2012, a survey has suggested.).

The reason for writing this blog is that my friends marriage is being shown on the Wedding Channel at present over 6 weeks, and I have found that I am watching the Ol square goggle box when it is broadcasting, and just before it starts . .  I find I am flicking through the channels... Men and remote controls huh?

Sat thinking about the way Television has played a major role in my life bites hard. Growing up proved that more time was spent sitting and watching it, than talking to the rest of the family. I have watched first feats that amazed the world, sad moments when the world cried and sadistically been abused by members of my family by being tortured with episodes of 'Coronation Street' from a young age, I don't care if Elsie Tanner opened up my fathers business, the counselling sessions have helped.... ;-)

A TV Producer was trying to sell a comedy show to a German network.
One sketch featured a roadsweeper who looked furtively around then proceeded to lift the corner of a pavement, like a carpet , and swept the dirt underneath it.
Nobody laughed
a German executive explained "In this country , you cannot lift up the pavements."

OK, if I leave you today with one thought, then it is this:- If you dream about cucumber it is meant to foretell romance.
Have a good evening all.....

You know when your getting old when your loved one asks "shall we go upstairs and make love" and you think, I can do one or the other!

I have to make a plea to all civilised people out there, who find time to preoccupy themselves with one form of self abuse that really should be left behind locked doors.

Picking your nose, in your car…eeeeeew!

Why do people grossly pick their noses openly at traffic lights, or stuck in traffic on the motorway? Do they really want to share this exhibitionism with everyone else?  Now, I am not a Howard Hughes bacterially phobic person, but some poor git gets the pleasure of the full hot handshake with that person. "hey ..nice to meet you...I'd like to share 14 types of bacteria I've cultured in my nostrils for you....

This brings me to a story told to me by a nurse friend of mine.
A lady out driving her car to work was busy applying make-up and generally doing her hair. She was sat at the red lights waiting for them to change, and then on seeing them change - rammed into the back of the car in front. She sat and waited for any action of the driver in front, nothing happened. She walks up to the drivers' side window and bows down to look at the guy and then sees why he is motionless.
The guy had been picking his nose at the time of the impact, and the force of the bump lodged his finger up his nostril, the horror of the situation sent the guy into shock and he fainted.

There is a moral to this story

Visiting the local supermarket these days is tremendously different from days gone by.

Now when you venture in, you are bombarded with cornucopias selections of services, never mind the mountains of food stacked roof high defying gravity.
You can get your clothes dry-cleaned whilst your photographs are being processed. Check out your balance in the supermarkets own banking service, and pay for your food by the supermarkets "low rate" credit card. Buy electrical appliances including computers and take a good peek at furniture displayed uninterestingly for the masses.

The change sees the multiples spreading their fingers into all realms of retail, tearing the independent shop keepers livelihood apart. I wonder how far the abyss will open and to how far the spread will manifest. Visiting your supermarket in the not so distant future may take on a whole new feel.
Whilst grabbing your monthly supplies, you could have your granny cremated in a 15 minute ceremony just in time to catch the instore solicitor finishing the touches to your divorce. Your children could play in the crèche on the supermarkets Internet system, and be back to the fish counter to collect your smoked haddock from the person with the ugliest tattoos and the thickest arm hair you've ever seen....mind, she is a lovely girl when you get to know her...

Rumours that the government was to enforce companies to trade only within the realms of their trading environment seem far away now. 

To be fair the Internet has opened up the wondrous ability to shop online even in your underwear, and have the goods delivered right to your door.

Many years ago some colleagues of mine used to do silly things in supermarkets, to pass the time away and free the boredom that came with being students. Incredibly childish incidents used to take place that still today make me tut, yet smirk .... Stand out side a local supermarket wearing suits and holding clipboards congratulating an unsuspecting shopper with a congratulations on being the 1 millionth customer and announcing  the 5 minutes grab and keep competition... Then run.
Go into the changing room, shut the door and yell loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here, help me..please."
Whilst looking at the kitchen knives in the House ware section, asked an assistant if they knew where the antidepressants were.
These people now responsibly manage other people for large companies .... scary.

Some memories hold onto your soul like a barnacle to a boat and in this instance the images of long gone, stay fresh in my mind.

Malta was the destination many years ago, for a bunch of friends to let their hair down and relax, no place seemed better at the time but the island.

Having offloaded the bags and placed our elbows onto the hotel bar to wet the proceedings of plans and hopes, Colin, one of the gang had taken to his trusted shorts and fallen asleep out in the sun. Much later on a near medical examination, it had become apparent that he had slept on one side only and his now two-tone tan was taking affect rapidly, one side of him pale and freckled, the other lurid lobster and ....freckled.

The locals took to Colin with mirth that would have pleased any stranger watching, they even voted on him becoming the 'lighting beacon' that evening for the groups barbecue on the beach.

As much as Colin tried in vain to tan the other side, the two halves would never match - the look of pity was sickening.

Amongst the evenings that followed I met a lady to this day who remains in my memory. She was the daughter of a politician in Malta and loved life with so much enthusiasm it was impossible not to be swept into the torrents of her. The little white panda she drove was almost comical with the blow up pink panther that was strapped to the back window, waving its bulbous hand to following vehicles.

She drove me all around the island that holiday, showing me places of interest and talking late into most mornings about everything with passion. Out in the hot night's air lying on the beach watching the stars, we laughed and giggled like two little kids. If any time in our lives we should ask that a moment in time never end, then that moment would have been the one.

Sadly, as always, the holiday comes to an abrupt end and farewells are swapped. I got her address to write in the hope of capturing friendship and in honesty, an attempt to hold onto that moment a bit longer.

Realisation of losing her address bit me hard, wishing I had given mine also as a backup, and watching time slip quickly away only warmed by images in my mind. Time brings me here now, writing this piece years later. I hope she is well and life is dealing her everything she needs.

Sometimes in life we let things go, and we never get another chance.

If I can offer only one piece of advice then it is this, never let a chance slip by.

Something of a phenomenon lives here, the wonderful artist Banksy

His name will not be recognisable to many, but through the panoramic excellence of the media, his works certainly grow in popularity. It is very plausible that the aerosol can art explosion of the 80’s, has nurtured a pseudo-anonymous graffitist whose work delves into the realms of political, cultural, and ethical themes many slanting the very satire that makes his popularity even more comprehensible.

The wonderful moment of wandering the streets of London, then falling upon the works of Banksy is tremendous. Some of the London Borough Councils have outlawed this man as a vandal and decided to treat all Banksy works as vandalism and remove them. One image that so many grew to adore is now only accessible through photographs [left].

Pulp Fiction will never be the same for me now...

Interestingly, the other day a shop keeper arrives at his premises to find that 'graffiti' has been strewn upon the shop wall. Is he angry? No, far from it, for in reality this gentleman is excited and delighted that an alleged 'Banksy' has been painted on his walls. He even tells the press that he is excited as he has heard how much these kind of works can really go for.

He said it was a piece of art.

One wonders the ethics to all of this, when does vandalism and graffiti cease to be, when does it suddenly become worth so much more than just a picture that can brighten a drab, grey, faceless city with one very tongue in cheek smile.  

"If you have a statue in the city centre you could go past it every day on your way to school and never even notice it, right. But as soon as someone puts a traffic cone on its head, you've made your own sculpture."

—Banksy, in The Independent

Ah bliss!

That special day arrives when you look out the window and mother earth in all her glory, is adorned with the luminescent symphony of pleasures, called SUNSHINE.  The wonderful thing about sunshine is the essence of the fact that it makes you feel tremendously more invigorated, makes forgiving others easier, makes everything seem less stressful, and paints that wondrously universal picture across your face, yes that 'smile'. It is also that time of year, to check out which one of your mates had that teeth whitening therapy that really paid off...

A day of sunshine ultimately achieves in one short moment, what 50 years of fashion hinted towards, shortened skirts, the time to rediscover what that bit at the end of your nose was really for and why do we wait for it to go red before we put the sun block on, and understanding that even really ugly people need to sunbath too.

Well, the good news that landed on the doorstep a couple weeks back was the media informing me that it is now official, that sunlight IS good for you!  It may help you live longer, and apparently, the benefits of exposure are far larger than the risks. Well, as life demands, everything in moderation is good, o.k. let us be reasonable, drinking mercury, or cyanide is not ... but most things are.

So with more than a little practiced restraint, I lift my large glass of wine to all that share this wonderful creation, that sheds its fundamental glory just a little less than we all care for over here, ah, but when it does, we smile.

That grim feeling surrounds me tonight like a nagging doubt that will not let go or let up in its ferocity to unleash havoc. Simply put, I am twiddling my fingers; tonight I do not have an Internet connection, oh, woe is me.

Get a life! - I hear myself scream.

Well, that as it may be, it feels like someone has ripped a limb off.

Within a small amount of years, we have embraced new technology which has taken over our lives, somewhat. One such item is textual intercourse, once it was inconceivable that we would all be carrying a personal phone around everywhere, now it is hard to find someone that does not! I am a big fan of TXT, well I am a man and men are the worst offenders for keeping it to the minimum, so why make a phone call when only a couple of words can do the same thing!!

Retired folk are nicknamed "silver surfers" and are allegedly, the fastest growing community on the Internet, blogging, sharing photographs, emailing, creating and writing music, building web pages, typing away in chat rooms, flirting on dating sites….

No not me! I aint got no Internet connection tonight! < Pout >